All right, I know we were all hit pretty hard by the cataclysm. With the landscape being the beige swath that it is cotton was the first thing to go, other thin and breathable fabrics were quick to follow. And with the sun at midday seemingly all the time there’s been no need for evening wear. We’ve all had to adjust to this people. There’s good news at the end of all this though: cows can survive on anything. Terrible weather, poor food supply, doesn’t matter. Cows live on anything. Now, I know this may not sound appealing to everyone in the constant 90+ degree weather, but I think we can figure out a way to market this: Leather 24-7. People are riding around on their motorcycles and in their muscle cars more than ever these days and I think its time we use what resources we have and synergize that with what people want. Combine that with our tip-top advertising crew and I can guarantee you by the end of this fiscal quarter people will be wearing skin-tight black leather pants inside at any point in the day.
People need clothing that can match their rough and tumble lifestyle in these appropriate times. No longer will the average working man be content with a simple leather jacket. That’s why I’m proposing we include spikes, chains, spurs, and hides as additions to all of our leather items. We live in a world now where any given day can include a motorcycle chase, a near-rape, a gas siphoning, and a near-fatal explosion. We need leather that can accentuate the striking and unusual bone structures of our post-apocalyptic female demographic. People not only don’t want normal leather anymore, normal leather is not sufficient. Frankly I think we need to tap in to the rebel punk vaguely-homoerotic biker gang market and offer cheap, intimidating leather at a low low cost right now. The post-apocalyptic future waits for no one, and if we don’t capture this demographic than one of the three remaining clothing manufacturers on this island will.
I know what you’re thinking, my last schemes for clothing didn’t work out so well. While pre-ripped pre-greased pre-dirtied jeans did manage to capture sales in our target demos, my decision to increase production in cold-weather wear was misguided. I predicted a chilly nuclear winter future, not a gasless global warming future. And for that I apologize from the bottom of my heart. And I think we can all admit that my line shiny spandex tops for neon-lit strip bars turned out better than expected, so all I’m asking is to have a little faith.
Alright, I think that concludes my proposal. If you’ll excuse me I have to go make sure my children don’t get mutilated on the way home from the last elementary school in Australia.
